During the routine of inane events in my daily existence, I am burdened with the presence of many idiots. For example, you. And not just idiots in the traditional sense, but human beings so bereft of intellect that they would be excellent canidates for various experimental product testing. Which would sate the whims of the eco-terrorists (PETA), in lieu of using those adorable test monkeys.
I could go on and on about the slow decay of intellectualism, but given my optimistic nature, I'd rather outline the numerous benefits that stupid people bring to the great table of society.
Testing- Aside from what I mentioned earlier, we owe a great deal to stupid people throughout time. Someone had to find out if rubbing alcohol is toxic, someone had to make the discovery that toxic waste doesn't grant super powers, and someone had to discover that fucking a monkey could bring so many wonderful diseases, like HIV, to people around the world. Kudos to Africa for that one.
Performing Menial Tasks- From bagging our groceries to cleaning up our unspeakable filth, idiots perform a variety of services. But now they're moving up the ladder and fulfilling more important roles. Like being the President of the United States.
Education- It appears that in addition to a bachelor's degree, the fine public education system has another requirement to join its ranks: you have to be full of shit. You come in hungover to teach a bunch of brats who'd rather be shooting up heroin and listening to rap music to be a part of an equally idiotic sub-culture.
In addition to the aforementioned benefits, you will all make excellent minions for my new regime.
Don't forget to look both ways before crossing the street...
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